iLove Him
by Zaphara
Summary: Freddie loves Spencer. What happens when Spencer finds Freddie lying in his own blood? Rated M for Graphic self-harm and BoyXBoy lovin.
1. Chapter 1

Freddie sighed as he sat in his bed. His mind was constantly drifting to the man that held his heart… not that Spencer knew what he meant to him. See, contrary to popular belief, Spencer was the Shay that Freddie was in love with - not Carly. She was just a convenient cover. Sometimes he wished he could be a normal teenage boy. The jock that everyone loved and every girl wanted to be with. But he was just a shy, gay tech. Nerd, with almost no friends.

He stood up and walked into his closet, pulling out a bag. It looked like any of the other bags he had to hold his numerous cords and wires, but this bag held his darkest secret, something that no one could ever find out about. Settling back on the bed, he dumped out the contents of the bag. A sharp razor glinted in the light. The silver gleam contrasted beautifully with the blood stained cloth that lied next to it.

Freddie sighed again, knowing that this was the only way he could cope. He knew that his feeling for Spencer would never be returned. He could practically hear the words now.

"_Listen Freddo, I like you and all, but you're just too young. It will never work."_

Hot tears ran down his cheeks, clouding his vision. Just why couldn't he be normal? He began rolling up his sleeves in an almost ritual way. Red lines and old scars covered his arms, showing the years of self-harm he'd suffered. He picked up the razor and made the first cut, blood instantly welling up and running down his arm like rubies, while crystals ran down his face.

Suddenly Freddie felt angry. Angry that he wasn't strong enough to fight his feelings, angry that he couldn't just be normal. He didn't realize he had cut too deep. He felt tired, so tired. He laid down, closing his eyes. Blood still running down his arm, he didn't hear the door open or the started gasp that followed. The last thing he remembered was a familiar scent surrounding him and a whispered name passing his lips.

"Spencer…"


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer walked across the hall to the Benson apartment and knocked on the door, hoping that Freddie would answer. He barely contained his groan when Mrs. Benson answered the door.

"Oh, hello Spencer, I was just stepping out. What can I do for you?"

"Umm… hi Mrs. Benson, I was wondering if Freddie was home. I thought we could do something tonight since the girls were out."

Mrs. Benson looked thoughtful for a moment, but by some miracle she allowed Spencer into the apartment, telling him that Freddie was in his room. With that she left, leaving Spencer to wonder what had gotten into her. Shaking his head, he moved toward Freddie's room. He knocked, but when he received no answer he opened the door.

"Hey Freddo, I was thinking that tonight we could go see a movie, or go to the fencing studio and-OH MY GOD!"

What Spencer saw made his heart jump into his throat. Freddie was lying on his bed, a small pool of blood surrounding him. He rushed over, gently picking Freddie up and carrying him to the door. Freddie whimpered and whispered his name.

"That's right, I'm here. I'm going take care of you now."

Holding back his tears, Spencer rode down the elevator to the lobby. He ignored Lubert's screams and rushed toward his car. Spencer placed Freddie in the back seat and sped toward the hospital, desperately hoping that he wasn't too late. When he got to the hospital Freddie was taken from his arms and rushed to a bed. While nurses worked quickly on Freddie's wounds, Spencer looked down to see his shirt covered in Freddie's blood. Choking back a sob, he walked away, trying to straighten his thoughts.

_Freddie can't die, he just can't; he doesn't even know how I feel about him!_

_He doesn't know I love him. _

Walking back over to the bed, he was bombarded with questions. "How do you know this boy? How did you find him? Has he been suicidal before?" _Had he?_ Spencer wondered. How long had Freddie been hurting? He felt an overwhelming guilt over not realizing sooner. Luckily, he had found Freddie just in time and he was in a stable condition. Spencer vowed right then that he would never let Freddie hurt like that again. He would fix whatever was wrong. He would not let his love down again.

The first thing Freddie was aware of was the bright lights; he knew instantly that he wasn't in his room. Opening his eyes, he groaned, seeing that he was in the hospital. He heard a light snoring and turned his head to see Spencer slumped lightly in a chair, fast asleep. He smiled, but a look of horror passed over his face when he realized that Spencer must have found him.

"_Crap! He must think I'm crazy. Now I really don't have a chance…"_

Suddenly Spencer sat up, jumping slightly and opening his eyes. He looked up and met Freddie's eyes with surprise. He smiled brightly and Freddie couldn't help but return it.

"Hey Spencer."

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

The truth was, he didn't know. Physically, he was OK, but mentally he was very confused. Finally he answered,

"OK, I guess. What about you? Why are you even here?"

Spencer frowned a little, but then told Freddie something he longed to hear.

"Because, Freddie, I care about you, and I hate seeing you hurting like this."

Freddie blushed. Spencer actually cared about him? This was more than he could have ever dreamed. Maybe, just maybe there was hope. But then again, why even bother. There was no way Spencer could love him back. That was impossible.

Spencer sighed. "So are you going to tell me why you did this? Why you needed to hurt yourself?"

Freddie choked back tears. How could he possibly tell Spencer the truth? There was no way he could; he would only get laughed at. The age difference between them was too great. But then again, he had nothing to lose. Spencer had seen him at his worst and hadn't run away. So, taking a deep breath, Freddie told his story, finally admitting his love to Spencer.

Spencer smiled tearfully. "Oh Freddie, why didn't you tell me this before? Can I tell you a secret? I'm gay too."

Freddie couldn't believe his luck, but he knew what would happen next. Spencer would reject him.

"You want to know something else? I love you too; I have for a while now. I just wanted to wait until you were older, but I can tell you need me now. I'm here for you."

They were both crying now. Spencer stood up and held Freddie, letting him cry. Being there for him like he promised he would. Then he did something unexpected. He leaned down and kissed Freddie lightly. Gasping, Freddie kissed him back. After a moment they pulled back smiling. They were about to kiss again when a scream pierced the air.

"FREDDIE! Where's my baby?"


End file.
